Man Meet

Now, I know many of my lady friends are currently attached. But for you single girls, Cosmo has once again saved the day. I offer you here some of the best tips from "Cosmo's Guide to Meeting More Guys!".


Fresh Meet Markets

• Local campaign headquarters: Thanks to Obamamania, political campaigns are suddenly sexy. Get involved in summer canvassing now for a fall candidate in your area. Because, you know, the only reason to be educated about politics is to look for a potential husband.

• Sneaker Boutiques: These shops--which feature pricey, hand-painted, and vintage shows--attract hordes of male hipsters and are popping up all over the country. Who DOESN'T want a boyfriend who spends more on shoes than you do?

• Behind the Scenes at a Big Event: Donating your time at a cool happening--like pulling beers at a rock festival--will have you floating in a sea of fun, laid-back guys. God forbid you volunteer somewhere useful, like a homeless shelter.

• Dude-Specific Book Signings: Pop-culture and humor authors bring out literary lads in droves. Chuck Klosterman and David Sedaris are two touring this summer. Maybe you'll get lucky and meet a guy who idolizes Tucker Max!

Great Icebreakers

• Ask to use his cell when a friend is running late. Say, "My battery is dead. Do you mind if I call my friend to find out when she'll be here?" Then invite him to keep you company while you wait. So not only will you have to have your friend's number memorized (be honest: how many people's cell numbers do you actually know by heart?) but a random stranger will then have your friend's number saved in his phone. Great!

• It's easy to get skittish about approaching a guy who's in the limelight, but if you're crushing on a srarving musician, artist, or writer, remember that under-the-radar creative types are desperate for praise. (Almost as desperate as you are for a date!) March right up to that gorgeous folk singer at the coffee shop and tell him you love his work. If he asks you which of his stuff you've read or heard, I'm sure you can make something up on the fly.

• Lean toward him, say, "Ha, check this out," and show him a Twitter tweet that cracked you up. SERIOUSLY, COSMO?

Surprising Items that Bring Boys to You

- Anything with wheels: A skateboard, a scooter, vintage roller skates--guys get turned on by mobile, adventurous chicks. Good news for you wheelchair-bound ladies!

- A Crossword Puzzle: Guys love to show off how smart they are. Look stumped and he'll jump at the change to help out. Nothing like dumbing yourself down! On the bright side, if he doesn't know it, guys ALSO love being mocked mercilessly for being too stupid to figure out a crossword clue!

- Tee Shirts That Show Your Sense of Humor: If your top reads "More Cowbell," he will assume you'll be fun. Reducing your personality into a tee shirt slogan makes that annoying smalltalk unnecessary; he'll already know whether or not he likes you based on a glance at your chest. For some guys, this is true no matter WHAT shirt you have on...

- A Weird-Ass Drink: How about asking the bartender to fix you a Diablo Hell Fire Cocktail or a Good Night Kiss? Or maybe just a Roofie Colada.

- A Kindle: Right now, it's the technological equivalent of a puppy: Guys will want to hold it and play with it. This also applies to your breast, which saves you $400.

Wow! Thanks again, Cosmo, for some flawless advice for landing that man!

Celebrity Names

I shouldn't be posting; I should be writing my Dickens paper (last one of the semester, due in two days). But in doing the reading for said paper, I discovered that Dickens named one of his sons Alfred Tennyson Dickens. This struck me as just plain awesome. I mean, celebrities have long named their children weird things:

• Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow -- Apple and Moses
• David and Victoria Beckham -- Cruz, Romeo, and Brooklyn
• Li'l Mo -- God'Iss Love Stone (I don't know who this is, but I had to include it. Mainly because of the apostrophe)
• Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza -- Jermajesty
  
• Frank Zappa -- Moon Unit, Dweezil and Diva Muffin
• Bruce Willis and Demi Moore -- Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah
  
• Sylvester Styllone -- Sage Moonblood
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie -- Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
  

Ok, so as wacky as those names are, I want to posit that what Dickens did was even crazier. Alfred, Lord Tennyson was one of Dickens's contemporaries. Can you imagine naming your kid after one of your colleagues? Even if they weren't in the same profession, it was still basically naming a child after a celebrity. Like if I named my kid, I dunno, Paris Hilton Whitmore or Justin Timberlake Whitmore. I'm probably going to go for J.K. Rowling Whitmore, myself. The kid can always change it when s/he's 18 to something more suitable.

Today's Accomplishments

In reverse order of importance.

5. Took out all garbage/cardboard to the dumpster/recycling area.

4. Earning over 1,000,000 points on a Peggle challenge that only needed 850,000 to win.

3. Caught up with Julia and reconnected with old friends via Facebook (it's like what it was designed for, or something!)

2. Finished a paper at 8:30 pm (instead of the usual 4 am).

1. Made the best grilled cheese sandwich ever.

Checklist for making me continue to doubt my ability to succeed in grad school

So this list is not of my own making, but instead the list my Contemporary American Women Writers professor sent out tonight re: the final paper that is due on Monday.

Final Essay Checklist

Essay 13 - 20 pages double spaced 12 or 14 font with standard margins

Pages numbered

Argumentative in format, with a clear focus throughout and careful transitions

When in doubt, use focused, analytical topic sentences that establish the unfolding logic of your argument

Be sure to think about what’s at stake in making your argument (Imagine someone asking, Why should I care about this? Why is it important?)

Ideas should be supported with both text and developed though your original analysis of that text (as a general rule, follow quotations with the equivalent amount of analysis – word choice, imagery, sentence structure, characterization, etc. -- or shorten the quotation)

Avoid plot summary, generalizations and broad commentary

Make reference to relevant criticism about this issue in this literary text

Engage with other critics by establishing the relationship between their argument and yours; differentiate yourself to show how your argument is original

Be wary of using other critics’ claims to support your argument; if you are doing so, do so in a footnote or very quickly in the text, and don’t rely upon others to prove your point (just because someone else makes a claim doesn’t make it valid)

Proofread for mechanics and read aloud to be sure that your essay flows

Submit your essay in hard copy format with clear print



I think I can handle the page numbers and size 12 font; the other stuff, not so sure. I was feeling pretty good about this paper (or at least I had convinced myself I was feeling good about it) and while none of these ideas are new (this is all stuff she's said in class before), seeing it all together at once in the form of a checklist is really intimidating. I'm going to try to hold on to the positive feelings I had, though, lock myself in the library tomorrow and produce something I'm proud of. I mean, it's about time, really.

Unrelated to final papers but related to past posts, I gave the guy whose car I hit a check today. He tried to be a dick about me writing it to the garage, something about how he's going to California after finals and doesn't want to be hanging on to the check? Whatever, asshole, I'm not just handing you $1455. Anyway, that chapter is closed now, but there may be an epilogue. That's just how I roll.

The best news I got today was from Curly Tail. Even though I'm still in the process of being approved for adoption (still have to have a home visit), I sent an email to the woman I thought I had had my phone interview with, Kristen. She had said to let her know if I saw any dogs on the website I'd be interested in, so I did. Well, turns out I had the wrong Kristin, but the Kristin I did email wrote me back to say that I'm being "highly considered" for Penelope, a pug I inquired after! She's six years old, and they rescued her from a puppy mill (very, very sad). If you want to read about her, you can go here and scroll down to see her bio. I really hope it works out; I got very upset when I was reading about the puppy mill rescues (ask Matt, he knows) and I would love, love, love to rescue one of these dogs who really needs a good forever home! Wish me luck!

P.S. I promise to do "Cosmo Sucks" again soon. Probably after finals. Give it another week.