Various and Sundry Thoughts on Resumes

So I have to replace myself at work. I posted the "job spec" on Craigslist today at 1 pm, and have already had to sift through over 30 replies. In the process, I have compiled a list of "Tips for Not Immediately Removing Yourself from the Candidate Pile."

- Don't just send a resume with no preamble. Personally, I always send a resume WITH a cover letter that speaks to specific points mentioned in the job posting. You know, exactly what a cover letter is supposed to do. If you don't care enough to introduce yourself with some sort of blurb before your resume, I don't care enough to hire you.

- If you were wondering why it is worth your while to behave yourself while living in the dorms, just think: the person who has to type up and send out all 6 of your write-up letters might one day be in a position to deny you employment. And she will. Gleefully. And then blog about it.

- I know I'm a grammar nerd, and I don't expect everyone to have the ridiculously high standards as I have, but please, proofread your cover letter. I don't care if you're a "fast leaner," and how does one "posses" skills? Additionally, please learn basic punctuation. Don't use a semi-colon if you don't know how to do so. And use double quotation marks ("), not single ones ('); we're not in England.

- On the flipside, don't punctuate things that don't require it to try to look smart. It's craigslist.com, not Craig's List. You're just making shit up. Similarly, don't use words you don't know. I don't want someone with "an agreeable persona." I need all the facets of your personality to be agreeable, if not downright lovable.

- You're supposed to be telling me the things about you that make you a good candidate for the position I'm offering. So don't tell me you're "a good listener." I'm not trying to date you. I also don't need to know that you make a great Massaman chicken or that you like long walks on the beach. (Credit to Jenny for the Massaman chicken line.)

- I would think this is common sense, but if you're trying to appear to be a responsible, professional candidate for a job, set your Facebook profile accordingly (whether that means removing offensive material or just upping the privacy settings). I'm not going to hire you if 80% of your pictures involve drinking or show you engaging in recreational drug use. Sorry.

I hope these tips and tricks help you all with your job searches in these troubled economic times. If you can only remember one thing, make it: DON'T BE A DUMBASS.